I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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