I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
