What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
