i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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