I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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