did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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