Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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