So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
