i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
