We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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