Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
