He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
