Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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