okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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