I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize