bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
