I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
