Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
