Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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