Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize