i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
