if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
