are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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