she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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