My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They took my balls.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
