i was born a porn star she said
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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