ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
