I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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