so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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