For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
