If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Terrible idea I love it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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