now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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