i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
