your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
