i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
