So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
