why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Found your dick twin last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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