I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think people are normalizing furries
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
