dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
