$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
