After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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