I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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