With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
