dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
