it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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