Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
