At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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