he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
