so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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