My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
