So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
