I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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