Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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