I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
