So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
