My sheets look like a crime scene.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
