a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Boobs speak an international language.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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