Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
