K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
